One thing about me that hasn’t changed since childhood is that I’ve always observed people. Back then, I didn’t even realise I was doing it. I would quietly watch conversations, families, friendships, little moments between people, and somehow those observations always stayed with me. Today, as a counselling psychologist, that habit has become much more conscious. I find myself observing people almost everywhere I go—at airports, in restaurants, shopping malls, birthday parties, parks, even while waiting at traffic signals. Every place has its own little stories if we slow down enough to notice them.
Lately, one thing that has been catching my attention again and again is parents. Sometimes I see a mother trying to attend an office call while her little one keeps pulling at her hand, simply wanting her attention. Sometimes it’s a father pushing a stroller with one hand while replying to work emails with the other. Sometimes I see an entire family sitting together at a restaurant, yet all three are looking at different screens. Every time I notice these moments, I find myself thinking about how much parenting has changed.
When I was growing up, my parents had never heard words like screen time, mindful parenting or emotional regulation. There were no parenting podcasts, Instagram reels or hundreds of experts giving different advice every single day. They couldn’t Google every behaviour or compare milestones online. They simply learnt while raising us. Of course they made mistakes. Every parent does. But life also seemed slower. Evenings were spent together. Children played outside until someone called them home. Neighbours knew one another, and families somehow found more time to simply be together.
Today’s children probably have far more opportunities than we ever did, but I sometimes wonder whether they also have enough uninterrupted time with the people they love the most. One thing I’ve observed repeatedly is that parents today aren’t busy because they don’t care. They’re busy because life demands so much from them. Expenses are higher, both parents often work, grandparents may live in different cities, schools expect more, traffic steals hours from the day, children have endless activities, and somewhere in the middle of all this, parents are expected to stay patient, emotionally available and calm all the time. That’s a lot for anyone to carry.
Something else I’ve noticed is the amount of guilt parents seem to carry. Working parents worry they’re not spending enough time with their children. Parents who stay at home sometimes worry they’re not contributing financially. If they allow screen time, they feel guilty. If they don’t, they worry their child will be left behind. It almost feels like whatever choice parents make today, someone is ready to tell them they’re doing it wrong. That sounds exhausting.
Comparison has quietly become a part of parenting too. One child is learning coding, another speaks multiple languages, someone else’s child plays the piano, another has won medals. Without even realising it, childhood slowly starts becoming a competition. Sometimes I genuinely wonder when growing up became a race instead of a journey.
One thing I truly miss from my own childhood is boredom. We had time to imagine, invent games, argue with siblings, make up stories, sit quietly, and simply exist. Today, every free hour seems to have a purpose. If children aren’t studying, they’re attending another class. If they’re not in a class, they’re usually on a screen. I often wonder whether children are still getting enough space to simply be children.
Another observation stays with me every time I step outside. Parents and children are physically together, but not always emotionally connected. Children are watching videos, parents are checking messages, everyone is occupied, and somewhere in between, conversations quietly disappear. Maybe children don’t always need another toy or another activity. Sometimes they simply need someone who listens to the story they’ve been waiting all day to tell.
People often ask me what the biggest parenting mistake is. Honestly, I don’t think there’s one answer. I think today’s parents are trying to raise children in a world that’s changing faster than ever before. If anything, I feel they love their children so deeply that they’re constantly afraid of getting something wrong.
If I could say one thing to every parent, it would be this: your child may not remember every meal you cooked or every toy you bought, but they will remember how they felt around you. Whether they felt safe. Whether they felt heard. Whether they felt accepted even after making mistakes. Those emotional memories stay far longer than perfect routines ever do.
And if parenting feels overwhelming, asking for guidance doesn’t mean you’re not a good parent. It simply means you care enough to keep learning. After meeting so many families over the years, one thing has become very clear to me. Most parents are doing far better than they give themselves credit for. Maybe they deserve a little kindness too.
